Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
