i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
