This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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