u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
