She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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