: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
