Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
