If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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