I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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