i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
