Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
