ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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