Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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