Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
