My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
