theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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