I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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