I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize