i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
