I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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