No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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