I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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