dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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