no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
