I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
