maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
