Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
