i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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