All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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