apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
