you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You've changed since you got that strap on
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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