Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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