Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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