Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
