I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
