Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
