4 words: hood of his car
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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