I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
