I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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