is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
