considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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