should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
