I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
