so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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