im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
