i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
