I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
