so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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