6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
