you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The ass gains better be worth it
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