She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
