she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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