Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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