i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
