I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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