i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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