he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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