She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize