Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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