tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
