i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
