Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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