sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
