my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
