Got a toothbrush?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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