I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
