Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
