dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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