I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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