Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
