he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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