I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
