A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
