im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
