i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
