Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
