Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
