I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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