the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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