The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
