I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Boobs are out for the taking
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
