Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
