I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
high people should be assigned attendants
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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