it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
