why didn't you poke me back
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
