Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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