you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Floor bacon is actually really good
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
